They say that when you are depressed all you want to do is sleep. I believe it, but I haven’t heard the reason why you want to sleep. I’m going to share with you what I have noticed about me. I have a really hard time sleeping at night. No doubt about that. My mind is always racing with new ideas or things that I need to do. Stressing about work or where I’m going to get money for my daughter’s upcoming school activities. So naturally I will be sleepy during the day. I have noticed though that when I have one of my mood swings (normally mild episodes), I’m extra tired. I spend the next day or so in bed, trying to build myself up. Even though mood wise I am OK. I’m laughing and I have hope. Everything will be OK. Physically I’m exhausted. My mind, is so overused that I just don’t want to think.
For example this past episode that was much more than my normal mild episode, took out of me so much. It’s been almost 48 hours since and I spent all day in bed. Wanting to do so much, including typing this blog post, but I couldn’t find the energy to do so. At the moment I feel so full of hope. I strongly believe that everything will be alright, but my mind is tired and my body just wants to sleep.
I pushed myself to get up and write this post. Because I need to continue fighting. Because I need to continue with all my big plans and I can’t do that while letting this cloud of sadness keep me in bed all day. Tomorrow I will see my dad after year and a half. I will go to work. And the biggest plan for this week is to get me a car. My first car. Everything will be alright.